By Popular Demand

Well I have been asked to make another illusion to Byzantine history from modern day occurrences. Specifically, one similar to Guy Ritchie and Madonna obtaining a divorce. Hmmm. I thought about this one and finally realized one parallel. The Byzantine equivalent might be Theophano and her assorted husbands. Theophano was empress of the East Roman (Byzantine) Empire. She became empress in 959 when her then-consort Romanos II died rather abruptly at a young age. Not wanting to risk court intrigue while her two sons were still underage, she married a popular general named Nikephoros Phokas. It was strictly a marriage of convenience and there is reason to believe they never consummated the marriage (he was about 25-30 years older than she was). She became unhappy with his bold, unilateral personality (Sean Penn?) and wanted to get rid of him. Therefore, she took another popular general, Ioannes (John) Tzimiskes, as her lover. They eventually killed Nikephoros and Ioannes became emperor. All was not well with the Patriarch Polyeuktos who discovered their murderous plot after the fact. Facing damnation, Ioannes made a deal with Polyeuktos: in order to legitimize his rule, he packed Theophano off to a nunnery and also condemned his co-conspirators. And then Ioannes released Rock-n-Rolla, which was a pretty good movie. Err, I mean he defeated the Rus' invasion of Byzantium lead by Svyatoslav.

So how much in common does this have with Guy and Madge? I'm not sure. Theophano and Madonna both run through the male species rather well. It also seems that Guy, Nikephoros, and Ioannes did not want to put up with their companions any longer. Guy and Ioannes both moved on after the separation, and for the better. But it worked out in the end, Guy made the aforementioned movie (which certainly beat the snot out of the terrible 'Swept Away') and will be making a sequel, whereas Ioannes destroyed the Rus' armies and conquered Bulgaria. Pretty astounding accomplishments for both, I say. In closing, I would like to say 'please do not take this comparison seriously, it is just a joke.'

The Ruffled Apron

This post has no connection with history whatsoever, but there is a website (see link to the left) called the Ruffled Apron. On this site you will see cards, knitted items, and aprons. All are hand-made, one by one by a talented individual. It is a wonderful place for gifts, go check it out!

'Elections' in Byzantium

Okay, here is a tidy way to bring both current news (elections) and very old news (Byzantine succession) in my blog.

So how did the Byzantine handle a situation like today, where, for the uneducated mob there was no clear choice for successor to the emperor? Well if there was no heir of royal blood (Jeb Bush?), then there would almost always be some sort of civil war. Two or more claimants to the throne would duke it out in classic battle royale, or siege royale, or whatever.

In order to increase the comparison with today, let us say one potential leader was a veteran in the army, popular with the troops but not trusted by the Constantinopolitan elite. The other possibility is the darling of the bureaucracy, not well-known but a gifted showman and wealthy, to boot. So who would win in this historical tossup? Typically, whoever could secure the loyalty of the army, with their weapons and vim, would emerge victorious (today, politicians rely not on the military, but on swaying the masses: those with wallets and short attention spans). But long story short, it could be anyone's game. Possessing the capital was important, as was the army. There were instances when an emperor, cozied up in Constantinople, resisted for years assault and blockade and withstood the usurper. On the other hand, many who controlled the military easily ousted the rebel cloistered in the city. So, to repeat the point above, only time could tell.