Well I have been asked to make another illusion to Byzantine history from modern day occurrences. Specifically, one similar to Guy Ritchie and Madonna obtaining a divorce. Hmmm. I thought about this one and finally realized one parallel. The Byzantine equivalent might be Theophano and her assorted husbands. Theophano was empress of the East Roman (Byzantine) Empire. She became empress in 959 when her then-consort Romanos II died rather abruptly at a young age. Not wanting to risk court intrigue while her two sons were still underage, she married a popular general named Nikephoros Phokas. It was strictly a marriage of convenience and there is reason to believe they never consummated the marriage (he was about 25-30 years older than she was). She became unhappy with his bold, unilateral personality (Sean Penn?) and wanted to get rid of him. Therefore, she took another popular general, Ioannes (John) Tzimiskes, as her lover. They eventually killed Nikephoros and Ioannes became emperor. All was not well with the Patriarch Polyeuktos who discovered their murderous plot after the fact. Facing damnation, Ioannes made a deal with Polyeuktos: in order to legitimize his rule, he packed Theophano off to a nunnery and also condemned his co-conspirators. And then Ioannes released Rock-n-Rolla, which was a pretty good movie. Err, I mean he defeated the Rus' invasion of Byzantium lead by Svyatoslav.
So how much in common does this have with Guy and Madge? I'm not sure. Theophano and Madonna both run through the male species rather well. It also seems that Guy, Nikephoros, and Ioannes did not want to put up with their companions any longer. Guy and Ioannes both moved on after the separation, and for the better. But it worked out in the end, Guy made the aforementioned movie (which certainly beat the snot out of the terrible 'Swept Away') and will be making a sequel, whereas Ioannes destroyed the Rus' armies and conquered Bulgaria. Pretty astounding accomplishments for both, I say. In closing, I would like to say 'please do not take this comparison seriously, it is just a joke.'
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2 comments:
This is the most hilarious post!! As they say in the online world, or maybe I just made it up, I am ATPOM (about to pee on myself).
Find your alternative names! (To see my answers, go to Maguet family, and scroll down to comments).
YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name> plus'izzle')
YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal)
YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street)
YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Men: father's middle name and mother's middle name-Women: mother's middle name and father's middle name)
YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your {current or former} pets)
YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car):
TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter):
SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower):
CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now)
HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):
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